May 18, 2020

🎂Cupcakes For Skylar

This Sunday marked 1 Year.

1 year ago, Hope's 26 year old brother, my beloved firstborn, passed on from this world. Skylar lived a troubled life and I wrote about our story last year. We are grateful he is now at peace but he is truly, deeply missed. This last week has been hard for me. So many memories, so many tears. And the family that said they loved this boy like I did, no where to be found or lost in their own grief, unable to be supportive. I can feel them through my Empath gift and it takes great effort to separate myself to have my own grief experience, something I need for healing. I openly cry when the need arises and I hide nothing from Jaze and Hope. Hope is doing well and delights in bringing cheer to sad times. She is always cracking a joke or making a silly face to brighten a grief stricken moment. We had tentative plans for an online D&D game in the evening but once that fell through I was eager to find something that would fill the void. So when Hope suggested we make organic cupcakes to mark the day Skylar died, we unanimously agreed it was a great idea.

The day unfolded and though rain was in the forecast, I attempted a fire at our campsite for this first time this year. Success was had and the rain held off till late into the night, posing no risk to our impromptu plan to eat cupcakes by the fire.

We spent hours talking, playing and snacking at our campsite and I completely lost track of what day it was. The fire was cleansing and the joy abundant. Not to mention, the cupcakes were delicious. Skylar would have loved them. I visited his grave site, under my favourite tree near River's paddock and shed more tears until River beckoned me with his whinnies to pick him some more fresh grass. I picked this place to clear his body of all he pain the endured now that his spirit is free and on it's next journey. When we leave this place, I will not be leaving Skylar. His memory will live forever with our family wherever we go. The ashes of his body will return to the earth and be reused for new life.

Hope asked me to play the piano to help her sleep and I ended up singing the song I wrote for Skylar many years ago. She was elated and urged me to record it again when I told her I had already recorded it once in the past but had lost the file. It felt like a heartfelt movie ending to a day I had dreaded for a year. I'm thankful for everything and everyone that has been supportive through this grief journey. Now the work of living for Skylar has begun and I am excited for the future.

This Week

Hope was reverse cycling (up all night and sleeping during the day) this week but we still had to adventure to Craft Auto to have our car looked after. Due to Covid-19 Saftey Rules, we stayed out of the waiting room and decided to adventure to the waterfront in Barrie for the two hours it would take to fix our car. We snacked by the water and watched the birds, rolled down the dandelion covered hills and observed the massive amounts of fish swimming near the rocks and docks. Once our car was done, we also had to do some shopping, which takes much longer now, so Hope and I have taken to drawing in the car while we wait for Jaze. Eventually the tired caught up with Hope and she crashed before our errands were done. (Yesterday she decided she didn't want to sleep during the day anymore so she stayed up until last evening and naturally woke early this morning with me.) We worked with the horses at EVO, trained and rode our horse River, roleplayed, watched new episodes of She-Ra, played Minecraft, D&D and there have been several Nerf gun battles. (Cupcakes made with Earth Valley Organics amazing spelt flour!)

Subjects: Self Regulation, Body Care, Responsibility, Compassion, Emotional Intelligence, Dramatic Arts, Visual Arts, Musical Arts, Baking/Cooking, Mathematics, Science, Nutrition, Physical Education, Creative Thinking, Problem Solving, Conflict Resolution, Reading, Writing, Finances, Decision Making, Navigation, Pattern Recognition, Social Interaction, So Much More...