May 13, 2020

💐Mother May I

Why we don't want politeness.

As professional caregivers and parents, Jaze and I don't teach kids please and thank you. Genuine thankfulness cannot be generated by force. A required thank you means nothing it if didn't come naturally and it programs this response for all future interactions. A lifetime of inauthenticity. Respect is something that is learned through example and experience so we know we must model it to children first. When parents or caregivers feel anxious hearing a child demand things or take without seeing any gratitude, it's usually not about the child. Often, it's about a past of punitive parenting where this kind of freedom would never have been allowed and the trauma is still fresh from having to endure that kind of stress while trying to grow up. When this is the case, it's never about correction of the child. Children are naturally grateful when they are respected fully. It may come out in differing ways but you'll eventually see thankfulness when they are truly feeling it and real remorse when they are regretful. No rules necessary. For the triggered parent trying to navigate through their past, and at the same time raise children that are not forced or coerced into politeness, re-parenting is required. We must re-program our minds from rules to relationships. Instead of implementing rules to "keep peace" we can forge bonded relationships that are far more effective and pleasant to live with. The fear that without please's and thank you's we'd all be rude to each other is unfounded. I've met no shortage of rudeness and I'm sure that most of us were forced to be "polite" as children. It is through the relationship with our children and the people around us that we teach authentic gratitude, compassion and generosity.

This Week

It's almost planting time so we're gearing up our garden beds and hanging out in our new sand play area. Jaze, being the master baker he is, whipped up 3 loaves of organic sprouted whole wheat and organic spelt bread made with Earth Valley Organics certified organic spelt flour and for the first time ever, Earth Valley Organics yeast! It was the best bread ever! We never want to use any other yeast now. We explored our pond and found a crayfish for the first time ever. We observed it until it disappeared under some rocks. Hope and Jaze were up late many evenings playing minecraft, roleplaying, participated in a Fortnite Dance Party and even baked a batch of organic brownies. Of course, like every week, there was youtube, independent roleplay with toys, drawing, colouring and bike riding. If you've followed us for a while, you may know we don't celebrate most traditional events like Mother's Day, Xmas, Earth Day, Valentine's Day and birthdays other than Hope's. This is because we actively choose to recognize what these days represent all year long. It's a social experiment that brings us so much more peace than we ever could have imagined. Subjects Learned: Math, Science, Geography, Nutrition, Compassion, Boundaries, Responsibility, Animal Care, Self Regulation, Reading, Writing, Art, Social Engineering, Sustainability, Horticulture, Drama, Technology, Creative Thinking, Small Scale Farming, Spontaneity, Adventure, So Much More.

Video

A music video of our life back in 2014 to a cover I did of "The Rose."

Thank you so much for coming along on our family's life learning journey. We hope to inspire a life long love of learning in those interested! If you want more, follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter!