Hope is a Rainbow Baby
We lost twins. (Trigger Warning) A rainbow baby is a healthy baby born after losing a baby due to miscarriage, infant loss, stillbirth, or neonatal death. Before Hope was a thought, in January 2009, Jaze and I were into our first pregnancy. Everything seemed normal and healthy. We were so happy. Newly together, knowing we were meant to be and ready to grow our family. About 2 months into the pregnancy, I started to bleed. Profusely. I couldn't leave the restroom. I assumed I was miscarrying. The bleeding subsided after a few days and I wasn't in any ill health otherwise, so it wasn't until the bleeding came back that I went to get checked out. I didn't have a family doctor at the time so I went to the ER where I assumed I was going to be given a D&C (also known as dilation and curettage) and sent home. Instead, I was given an ultra long ultrasound. I had never had one so long and asked if there was anything wrong. The technician revealed that I was not miscarrying. I was pregnant with twins. I was shocked. There's never been twins in either of our families. Sadly, there was no time to celebrate. Though the pregnancy was viable currently, it was going to progress to a point where it would not only put the babies' life at risk, it would take mine. I have Fibroid issues and the bleeding I had experienced was these fibroids which would only become under more pressure and grow as the pregnancy evolved. With twins, there just would not be enough room for the babies and fibroids and eventually I would hemorrhage beyond our ability to get to the hospital fast enough for life saving measures. I knew this to be true and so did Jaze, though our hearts broke a thousand times trying to accept it. I had to have a life saving abortion. It was our first trial together and we hung on for dear life to each other. The coldness of the procedure was as traumatic as losing our babies. I was alone and instructed not to cry. I was not only in some of the worst emotional pain of my life but I felt like was being tortured. It was a nightmare. But I did it. Jaze and I walked through that fire holding hands and hearts. Hope In August of 2009 I became pregnant again. We knew the day we conceived. Knew it would be a girl and she came with her name. Since May 23 2019, Hope has brought us endless joy in the 9 years we've been blessed with her. She truly is her name sake. A rainbow to remind us of hope after the storm. Since my 26 year old son Skylar's death this past May, I am even more aware of the hope our dear girl has brought to our lives. I see more and more every day why she came with her name. Thanks for taking the time to walk down memory lane with me. If you've dealt with the kind of loss we have, know we are sending you so much light and care on your journey. Please feel free to reach out through our comments section, social media or contact us through our website. This Week It has been an energy intense week, and as you may know, we are an energy sensitive family. We had a blast at a homeschool friend's birthday party, were the first to socialize the new piglets at Big Curve Acres and harvested (and ate) 2 lbs of wild black raspberries from the many bushes around our land. The first of our Monarch Butterflies emerged so we gently released it into the world. The first thing it met was my face. O.O I resisted the urge to knock it the heck off my lips and thankfully it moved to my shoulder where it stayed for at least 10 minutes. I was so at peace and grateful for the experience. (I much preferred it on my shoulder to my face.) It's toes are so strong and when the wind blew, I could feel it grip on to my skin. Amazing. I got up and walked down our stairs and it flew into the maple tree next to our house. We said good bye and now are waiting for his friend to emerge. We'll be doing a whole blog post on our monarch raising experience so stay tuned for that. This past weekend we hit up Nicholyn Farms customer appreciation day so we saved some money on our naturally raised meat while tasting some free samples. Hope chose to use her money to buy some organic cookies. Jaze made delicious organic s'mores to go with our nitrate-free grass fed bannock dogs (from Nicholyn Farms) and berries for dinner by the fire. Our no-till organic garden is finally bursting after a slow start to the season and we're excited about the harvest to come.
Video Since we didn't have time to make a video this week, here's something from our past Freeschoolin' Family episodes you might find interesting. May CATCH UP! Zoo Party, No Till Gardening & More!
We are just a family sharing how we live and learn through life. We aren't sugar coating it or making it sensational so that people will keep watching. We truly want to connect with other like minded families and unite unschoolers locally and globally. If our journey helps and inspires others then we are even more grateful. If we ever make money off our blog through ads or sponsors we will be forthright but currently, we earn nothing. Thank you so much for being a part of our community. ((((energy hugs)))) Much Love Always, Wendy The Freeschoolin' Journal
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