Jun 12, 2018

Re-Parenting for Peace Part 2

Parent/Child relationships are different from others.

There is a potential deepness, an intensity and an automatic responsibility that no other

relationship demands/requires.

If we are not fulfilled by our selves, our adult relationships and have constant unmet needs we

are going to carry those elements into our parent/child relationships, which can be very toxic.

The last thing we want to do is infect our young with what afflicts us, but that is the very thing we do when we bring our needy selves to the parenting table.

This is not to say we are wrong for being needy!

If you see yourself as a child, deserving of your needs being met, you would not scoff at those needs; you would want to meet them!

You can do the same now; nurture your self and give you all you should have had, all you deserve now.

When Mom and Dad's needs are met, it is so much easier to meet the needs of beloved offspring and create a pattern kids will take into THEIR parenthood.

My Steps to Re-Parenting

Last week, I shared a recent conflict/incident I had with Hope. (Link to full article here.) Excerpt from Re-Parenting for Peace: " By the time I came inside an hour later, I was shocked at how I had handled myself towards my sweet girl. I didn't spend time scolding myself, I moved straight to apologizing, giving opportunity for full discussion of the incident.

I made new boundaries and limitations for myself and my relationships to keep from becoming overwhelmed and to keep from reacting with stress to others. "

1. I took space and time to think in a nurturing environment.

I spent an hour weeding in the garden, taking out all of my unmanaged frustration out on the soil. It gave me time to think about how differently I had acted than the kind of parent and person I want to be. I though about how I'd been raised and how I'd of liked to be treated.

2. I didn't beat myself up. (No negative self talk.)

Life is too short to waste on breaking someone down. Me included. Anytime I hear old degrading voices whisper from my childhood, I counter then with encouraging truths. Old Program -"You are screwing up your daughter." Counter - "You an honest and loving person who is overwhelmed and you are showing your baby girl how to meet challenges and never give up on respectful relationships." 3. I created new programs to replace the obsolete.

Along with countering negative self talk, I went over the triggers I experienced and sought new ways to avoid or heal them so that I was set up for even more success in the future. Triggers - Work Overload, Not Feeling Supported, Parenting Alone, Energy Intensity. Solutions - Family Time Management, Reach Out When in Need, Energy Cleansing. I made plans for better use of our time so we are more on top of things. I resolved to reach out to Freeschoolin' Daddy when I am overwhelmed. I will focus on clearing my energy and use this as a coping skill when things are chaotic.